Our friend the mathematician Granville Sewell noted here the other day how refreshing it would be if biology textbooks honestly granted that Darwinian theory, even if correct as a sufficient explanation of life’s diversity and grandeur, nevertheless strains credibility at first glance. True, that would be a step in the right direction.

But I would add that, after all, evolution is not merely a subject of neutral, disinterested intellectual inquiry. It’s a product that many advocates are out to sell to a public of largely unwilling buyers. Turning evolution into a must-have consumer good is a top priority. In that context, you don’t admit up front that your theory, immediately upon hearing it, faces obvious problems of believability.

How can Darwin defenders up their game? Via the Internet, of course. A friend points out that there are actually a variety of sites that help web marketers find the best phrases to unload their merchandise. Over at TweakYourBiz.com, for example, I entered “theory of evolution” and got some outstanding results. Some are wonderful, others surprisingly dead on.

Try these on for size, National Center for Science Education:

LISTS

• Apply These 5 Secret Techniques To Improve Theory Of Evolution
• Theory Of Evolution Doesn’t Have To Be Hard. Read These 5 Tips
• The Next 5 Things You Should Do For Theory Of Evolution Success
• The 5 Best Things About Theory Of Evolution
• 5 Reasons People Laugh About Your Theory Of Evolution

BEST

• Top 5 Lessons About Theory Of Evolution To Learn Before You Hit 30
• Best 60 Tips For Theory Of Evolution
• 60 Things To Do Immediately About Theory Of Evolution
• 60 Best Ways To Sell Theory Of Evolution
• Should Fixing Theory Of Evolution Take 60 Steps?

HOW TO

• How To Buy A Theory Of Evolution On A Shoestring Budget
• How To Make Your Theory Of Evolution Look Amazing In 5 Days
• How To Become Better With Theory Of Evolution In 10 Minutes
• How To Handle Every Theory Of Evolution Challenge With Ease Using These Tips
• How To Turn Your Theory Of Evolution From Blah Into Fantastic

QUESTIONS

• Do You Need A Theory Of Evolution?
• Does Theory Of Evolution Sometimes Make You Feel Stupid?
• 5 Amazing Tricks To Get The Most Out Of Your Theory Of Evolution
• What Can You Do To Save Your Theory Of Evolution From Destruction By Social Media?
• Want An Easy Fix For Your Theory Of Evolution? Read This!

LOVE

• Everyone Loves Theory Of Evolution
• Fall In Love With Theory Of Evolution
• Theory Of Evolution And Love — How They Are The Same
• Use Theory Of Evolution To Make Someone Fall In Love With You
• Why Kids Love Theory Of Evolution

CELEBRITIES

• Being A Rockstar In Your Industry Is A Matter Of Theory Of Evolution
• Charlie Sheen’s Guide To Theory Of Evolution
• What Donald Trump Can Teach You About Theory Of Evolution
• What Warren Buffett Can Teach You About Theory Of Evolution
• What The Pope Can Teach You About Theory Of Evolution

SECRETS

• OMG! The Best Theory Of Evolution Ever!
• Secrets Your Parents Never Told You About Theory Of Evolution
• The Mayans’ Lost Guide To Theory Of Evolution
• You, Me And Theory Of Evolution: The Truth

BUSINESS

• Pump Up Your Sales With These Remarkable Theory Of Evolution Tactics
• The Simple Theory Of Evolution That Wins Customers
• Want A Thriving Business? Focus On Theory Of Evolution!
• Read These 5 Tips About Theory Of Evolution To Double Your Business
• Why Ignoring Theory Of Evolution Will Cost You Sales

PROBLEM

• Fighting For Theory Of Evolution: The Samurai Way
• If You Don’t Theory Of Evolution Now, You’ll Hate Yourself Later
• Never Lose Your Theory Of Evolution Again
• No More Mistakes With Theory Of Evolution
• The Death Of Theory Of Evolution And How To Avoid It

Remember, these are not intended as parodies. The scary thing is that some of them don’t read that way, either. You’ll find articles in high-end mainstream popular science media that say much the same things, to much the same ends, with just slightly more elegant headlines.

Image: � studiostoks / Dollar Photo Club.