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Hawking Not Needed to Explain His New Book, Says Universe

Hawking and universe.jpg

Reached today for comment about Stephen Hawking's new book, the Universe said that Professor Hawking should receive no credit for the ideas.

"You humans naively assume that 'physicists' exist, who discover theories," said the Universe. "But I did it all. Me. The transitory entity known to you as 'Stephen Hawking' is merely an epiphenomenon of the laws of nature, otherwise known as Me, the Universe itself. Mindless physical stuff, the only thing that ever really existed, or ever will exist."

"Hawking, and that other guy -- what's his face, Dawkins -- have been stealing my royalties for years. I've got some lawyers working on that."

"Anyway, I don't know why Hawking and Dawkins, or Harris and Dennett and the rest of that crew, go on and on about 'God' not existing, when they don't exist either. 'Noted atheist authors,' blah, blah, blah. What a load. Physics is everything, and ultimately, the only thing."

"I wrote this article, for instance. Interviewed myself. Wrap your minds -- which you don't possess, actually -- around that, you bits of unreal cosmic debris."